Sunday, November 28, 2004
haiz.. i feel so weak.. very weak.. and i am already weak.. i dunno y.. i juz do thgs wif no strength.. haiz.. i dunno y.. its reaching dec..and i am still playing.. still in my own dreamland.. this 2 weeks.. my father went china for some business.. actually.. i also dunno wad he do there.. haiz.. and this 2 weeks.. i feel quite relax.. quite free.. and keep on playing.. play play and play.. i nv touched a pen since these 2 weeks.. all i touch was keyboard.. and mouse.. i keep playing.. going LAN gaming.. going movie.. and other activities such as roboGP and SVA plus the nco course.. all these kept me occupied.. and finally all these came to an end.. i still left wif one SVA competition.. which requires alot time.. for filming.. and video editing. tats a tough job for me.. cuz.. i dun really noe wad to do.. as i skipped alot of these sections last time due to my robotics and npcc course..
ok.. few more days.. and its december.. and today midnight. my father will be back.. december! means i left wif 1 month to finish wad i need to do.. including those stacks of hw and the plan of "changing for better".. i nv changed.. in anyway.. i never.. i really never.. and i nv intended to change during this period.. yah.. i dun really need a whole year or month to change... i may juz need a min.. or even a second..a moment to change myself..*tats wad natalia say to me*.. and enlighten myself.. or wadever it is.. haiz.. but.. my this week.. is already packed.. although u may say i still hav time to do my hw at night.. but.. i juz cant force myself to do it.. i feel weak to hold the pen.. and i will nt be in the mood.. to do thg seriously like homework.. juz tml.. monday... in the early morning till evening abt 7pm.. will be filming.. for band concert rehearsal and SVA... tue.. i mixed up.. i forgot i hav already set wi daniel they all to go watch movie.. and i dint noe.. and the SVA filming was set on tue.. its my fault.. i hav to face the consequences.. gt scoldings frm both sides.. really in a very difficult position.. but.. SVA is more important.. so.. i go for the SVA lor.. cuz.. i dun wan scoldings frm mr beh again.. saying i always gt prob.. and i dowan to call each member to change the date.. so.. i juz hav to sacriface.. movie.. find one day.. i go watch it myself..
last week.. went watching movie.. some sort of alone.. my fren wanted to watch the incredibles.. and me wanted shark tale.. so.. we went watching different movie at the same time.. hmm.. tats great.. i find nth wrong watching alone.. cuz its in the morning.. and shark tale is a long ago movie. tats y lesser ppl.. and.. its quite ok.. so.. i will find some morning.. and watch the incredibles(which set on tue to watch but i cant) and polar express.. alone... haiz..
my room.. or even my hse.. is as messy as before.. i remembered i promise to tidy up my hse.. but i cant.. i juz hav to much stuffs.. especially books.. all my cabinets or wadsoever u called it.. is already 100% full.. so.. i put the books on my table.. and my table looks very very very messy.. and i always get scoldings.. i tried to tidy it up.. i put some old sec 3 books away on the floor.. and also gt scoldings.. i really dunno wad to do! if my father was here.. he will ask me throw away.. but all is needed! how to throw!.. i really dunno.. i'm confused.. i'm stuck.. tats y.. i prefer to go out.. for abt 3 times.. i went for LAN gaming.. abt 5hours playing of games.. especially generals.. i dunno y.. i like the game very much.. and i bought the original cd at $69.90 and i'm now broke.. ohya.. i also bought the mp3 player.. and all tat.. wow.. i spend alot this holiday..
and.. i managed to 'remove' my ps2.. i gave it to my sister.. at least i dun hav to worry on the price to sell it.. hmm.. at least still can get some funds frm my father.. hehe...ohya.. PS2. i lend my frens a few games.. i asked him to return to me last week.. and he nv! i think he expected me to go his hse and get frm him! siao! my games! i lend him! it shld be he come my hse and return! omg.. i dun wanna get used.. or get bullied lik tat again.. i feel tat i really quite soft hearted.. always.. borrow thgs and ask ppl return thgs.. i still muz go there and collect... if i let my parents noe.. they sure scold me.. haiz.. now i really muz act "dao" liao..
haiz.. ohya.. say till tuesday.. and wed.. going for dental.. this time shld be bracing.. but i heard they say.. if my jaws the bone nv recover.. den cannot brace.. den.. till now haven recover leh! how sia.. muz drag the time again.. shit lar.. sad thg.. thur... i remembered i got somethg.. but forgot wad is it.. haiz. and fri and sat onwards.. i shld be free.. unless mr beh ask me go back sch to edit.. which is possible.. haiz.. the dateline for the submittion is 15th dec.. very very near.. and i am having stress!!!! very stressful again.. juz hping to find someone who is willing to spend $10 for LAN gaming this saturday.. haiz.. sad case..
i dunno when i can really 'change' and became my dream me.. which is.. very hardworking.. finish all hw.. and do thgs very fast.. improve alot.. all tat.. and all i wan is get straight As for o lvl.. i noe i cant for my bio.. cuz.. i hate bio experiment.. heard this year experiment was on prawns... still living one..eeekk.. arghh!! y i so weak! really no energy to do those thgs.. felt tat doing hw requires alot more energy than to play.. haha..
ok la.. mayb tats all.. i really dunno wad to say liao.. really tired liao.. cya.. gd luck everyone!
pandaboo penned at 11/28/2004 04:03:00 pm
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think free.live free
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
haiz.. holiday liao leh! but i still gt so much problems.. so much worries.. so much so much! arghh!! really wanna 'fa xie' out sia!!! arghh!!! me wanna fa xie.. but no money la! wan go out.. no money! wan watch movie.. no fren! wan go Q buy mp3 player.. at first can.. now dunno can anot! wan do hw.. siao ar! where gt time! wan relax.. "OIE WEIRONG! see ur time table for this week la..all full liao!".. sian lor.. gt robotics.. the roboGP.. which i like.. but nt doing well.. and SVA.. which i also like.. but dun really like the way of filming and the equipments and the ideas.. sad la!
but wad use complaining so much.. as if i can giv gd ideas.. as if i can win prizes.. wah lau.. me so stupid! last time..i say i wan go queue overnight for buying a $199 mp3 player.. parents say can.. father say "u go lor.. go out suffer abit also gd.. next time go overseas alone can be more independent".. now say "without me! u all(me and my mother) cannot do anythg one la! listen do me la!"... wah lau.. i really feel like talking back when he ask me nt to go for Q-ing.. but.. i really wan lor.. i wan try.. i hav fren go wif me wad.. wads the prob... i noe he concern abt my safety.. but.. me 15 years old liao leh! they treat me like 12 year old kid.. my mother worse.. say i cant independent.. i wan! but she dun let! i wan go eat tat time.. but before tat.. she will shout me go eat.. den when eating.. will tell me "eat tat ar.. gd for u.. meat take and eat.. soup drink.. after this eat medicine...drink water.. y nv eat the fish.. gd for ur u one la.. ".. all these common sense thg.. she also wan say.. i noe she concern abt me.. but dun so.. haiz.. den she tell in front of other ppl.. and tell other ppl i do everythg also need her to call one.. or else cannot.. like me very disabled like tat.. wah lau!
and.. my mother always cheat me.. in milo.. ask her help me make milo in the morning.. cuz i still lying on bed.. den when i eat.. like gt one bit one bit thg.. i tot the milo harden liao.. but.. a few days... den i noe she added somethg to it.. den i ask.. she denied! until last i say "I NOE U ADD SOMETHG! SAY LA! I NT FEELING WELL THESE FEW DAYS".. den she say she add wad "chao mi".. wad the hell is tat! i dunno! even in white rice.. she add other rice and mix and eat.. really.. my stomach cant stand it.. den i tot first few times nvm.. but den she everyday! i buay tahan! den i say.. "wad u add again?!".. den she say "huh! where gt!..." after much sayings... den "wah.. like tat u also can see".. wah lau! like i kok eye like tat.. rice is white.. the other rice is yellow.. plz la.. i nt 3 year old kid la.. like tat bluff me... dun work la.. but i nv tok back la..
den juz juz juz now.. my father tok to me.. yah.. tml he going china for his business again... den he say dun go for the Q-ing for the mp3 player at creativex at jurong... but.. i wanted leh! i told my fren.. arranged! and all settle liao.. den now he say this kind of thg.. den he say.. "i nt around.. later somethg happen to u how? the jurong ppl there ar.. anyhow one.. alot gangster.. and u stay overnight.. later kena beaten up... and hor.. u cant get it one la.. " i say "wont la.. ppl wont do tat".. and "i can get it one la"..... juz these 2! and he use fierce voice shout at me " I TOKING! U LISTEN! i say like tat means like tat.. i say no means no.. u dun listen.. u go eat shit la.." and other bad words la.. dun wanna remember to clearly... den i nth to say liao lor.. wad can i say? den he advise me dun go.. den say let my fren go can liao.. leave him alone.. its his business...
wah lau! last time he teach me loyality.. now wad?! abondon a old fren?! I NT TAT KIND OF PERSON LOR! i even said i will accompany wei jie to Q for sat and sunday starbuy.. now how?! he like tat say.. like threatening me like tat! wtf lor! me wanna tok back also cannot.. how useless of me.. but.. tml he go china liao.. me.. very ' jiang yi qi' one.. "shou de dao.. zuo de dao..".. means.. i say den i can do.. den now! wanna obstruct me frm doing wad i wan! see.. tats a gd example liao... haiz.. my family matters again.. i think u guys bored of it liao.. but i really cant stand.. wanna write in blog.. express out my feelings!!!! arghh!!
so useless of me.. cant do anythg.. but i planning.. after he go china.. i still going Q.. i noe.. i also worry.. cuz i like.. opposing him.."dui bu qi" him.. later he come back.. i die ar... or he dun gimme money go buy.. i also worry my mother.. one person at home.. i noe she very bored one... but.. no choice lor.. wad can i do? no siblings mah.. relative.. haiz.. nt in sg la..
sian.. now is super low mood.. today competition dunno y go wrong.. my program can work at the training centre.. but go motor show there.. dunno y.. straight line also went out.. siao liao.. haiz..!!! so.. tml is the dual track challenge.. very stress.. cuz gt around 23 teams.. den.. all so pro one! so fast and steady! me average but nt very steady sia!!! arghhh!!... but one thg is.. the motor show nt bad..
kenneth and hui jue they 2.. wah lau.. enter the motor show dunno frm where.. nv buy ticket.. haha.. we today also.. 8am go.. everythg happen open den we went the 6th floor.. den kena chase down by sercurity.... lol.. den ask "how u all come up one?!" .. den.. by escalator lor.. haha.. only nv on.. den we walk lor.. hahaha! like tat poor organisation.. and.. Temesek poly organisation.. suxs.. everythg slow and nt steady... haiz.. like tat how sia..
tml..i mean.. today.. cuz 1.32am liao.. juz hope.. and wish me gd luck for tml.. i dun wanna go home empty handed...
ohya.. the motor show.. nt bad la.. saw quite alot cars... and.. KARS...(legs).. as in visitors legs and the models one.. wah lau.. the ppl there.. take photo.. dunno take the gals model or the cars sia... i see the digi cam lcd screen.. all zoom in at the models only.. ok la.. in forums.. saw ppl tok abt this topic.. say the models thgy.. wad sg gal no gd.. wad pervert thg also come out.. den say they r CMI (can make it) only.. lol.. ok la.. but the models.. all very tall sia.. den i see hor.. they stand and smile all the way and take pic only.. den earn money liao.. so gd.. no pretty one.. but saw one.. at dunno which section.. quite.. 'gao gui'.. but the smile very nice.. but i saw her adjusting her mouth.. cuz smile too long.. numb liao.. everyone focus on her.. other models see liao also not happy.. haha... nt bad la.. but all these juz for see see.. nth much.. hmmm~ nth liao.. ohya! i like one of the honda car! very sporty sia!!! i like it so much! hmmmm... hehe
next time buy one CoOl car.. real cool.. hahahaha!
pandaboo penned at 11/17/2004 01:05:00 am
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think free.live free
Friday, November 12, 2004
haiz.. holiday liao.. really holiday liao.. and.. wad i gonna do? shld i carry out my plans? of course i shld.. but how do i start? haiz.. changing.. its so difficult.. cuz i dun even noe who i am now.. can anyone tell me? haiz.. dunno la.. now so really nth to do and sian.. explore in frenster.. like everyone is so happy all tat.. and ppl who r active is all going back to their country for their holidays.. and me..? i dunno
i juz felt so sian and suay.. gt the fong case.. and i really gt nth to do abt it anymore until my o lvl ends.. haiz.. robogp competition.. i MUST win.. or else ppl will say "see la.. put so much time in ur robotics and get nth back".. mayb i will hav better replies to console myslef.. haiz.. but.. its true lo.. put so much effort and get nth is damn shit! haiz.. y i feel so sad nowadays? i noe i may nt be as sad as some of u all.. but.. my this kind of sadness is pastering me always.. whenever i gt nth to do.. whenever i felt tired.. or wadsoever.. haiz.... Y!!! ppl really hav a gd family like in tv shows.. but.. nt saying i hav a bad family.. but my family seems to be lacking of somethg.. and i cant do anythg.. i really felt i'm under much pressure and obstructions... how leh? i dunno.. mayb i hav choices.. but i dunno wad.. and wad to choose..
if u gimme choices to choose frm.. how i noe i wan which one.. when ever i hav no choices.. i will always pursue the one i wanted.. but when comes to having choices.. i'm nt decisve.. haiz.. dunno who i am.. i wanna succeed.. but wan lead a simple life.. how to do both together? once u succeed.. ur life cant be simple...cuz my dream is real big.. haiz...dunno! i dunno how sometimes.. time pass.. although i hav to work towards my studies.. some things keep hendering me.. or wadever u call tat.. i dunno.. haiz.. how to be happy? i hav to do thgs tat i may nt wan to do.. to be happy.. yeah... this few days... me.. daniel.. hy and natalia hav chats.. find it really gd.. or else i will really be bored.. i learnt quite a few vocab.. and learnt some facts of life.. and.. lots more.. i'm still a small toot in this world.. haiz.. sometimes.. i feel tat silence is gd.. but sometimes its really suxs.. yeah.. everythg hav its adv and disadv.. and we nv noe who will be gone some day.. but no one wish tat someone will be gone!
i hav lots of feelings... for some ppl.. or for somethgs.. or juz some comments.. but i'm really scared to voice out.. cuz i noe wads the outcome.. haiz.. y?! like the fong thgy.. i voice out.. in the end.. i hav no say at all.. world is said to be unfair.. but y?! cant we all hav a win win situation? i feel like really being a police.. but i also understand.. police cant do much on somethgs.. even if we noe some ppl is gangster-like and create troubles for the society.. we always dun hav evidence to catch them...
yeah.. in those chat.. we r toking abt evil.. and love.. oh nvm.. the love thg is crap.. evil.. yeah.. evil seems gd.. and it is happy to be evil.. cuz evil.. u do everythg u wan.. it meets wad u wan.. so u happy! and evil ppl.. always get away easily.. be gd.. gd kind and all wadsoever.. means hav to tolerate.. hav to think abt this and tat and stop u frm doing somethgs.. haiz.. how to find happiness? nt in shows.. life seems so simple and naive.. like everythg is predicted.. haiz.. i dunno.. i really dunno wad can i do now.. dun tell me to do hw.. dun tell me to study.. until i hav the urge to do it.. which is when i'm completely free.... i still hav competitions.. and .. even if i tell my mother.. "i dowan go out.. i wan study".. she also dun believe and say all sorts of thgs to ask me go out.. wad can i do? tok back? i dun wanna argue wif family members.. haiz.. it seems gd to hav siblings.. like everythg is done for u.. so gd.. yeah.. i hav a sis.. came back frm aust liao.. and parents r planning for me to go aust.. i really dunno wad to do.. i wanna juz lead a simple life and stay in sg.. but can i? wif my stupid results.. ppl tot i in 3E.. pure sciences.. very gd.. SO WAD?! i suxs la!.. L1R5.. 26 leh! i need to get 10! dammit.. how.. how! HOW!!! study.. study.. y study deadly!!! i dunno.. i really feel like doing anythg..
yeah.. next week.. gonna be mad and queue for a mp3 player at $199 for over a night.. juz for tat.. queuing.. i nv think of tat.. nv think tat i would be so stupid to do this kind of thg.. but.. i am.. i juz really hav nth to do.. i dun mind going to airport to study.. i dun mind travelling for nth.. as long as if i gt the money.. but i dun.. haiz.. juz feel like.. going east coast or wadsoever.. and cycle.. cycle for nth.. juz cycle.. i dunno.. really dunno wad to do.. if i hav a car.. i might be driving around sg.. for nth.. ok.. 1st dec.. going for bracing.. dunno how will i look.. but.. i dunno.. brace cuz if nt.. my jaws will be a big prob when i grow up.. and.. i juz hope my black 'area' around my eyes could juz disappear.. and i hav nth else to comment on my looks.. juz tat.. my character.. i dunno.. i hav a strong character.. u sure? think so bah.. oh dammit.. i'm now toking to myself.. i dun even noe wad i'm toking.. so i guess u all also wont understand.. ok.. this suxs,... i gonna stop.. as i say.. i really hav nth to do.. tml.. i going lan.. yeah.. LAN.. play generals.. cuz tats the only game i play now.. build my own army and attack my enemies.. can u find explainations for who i am for juz wad i do? mayb some ppl can.. but i dun think so.. yeah.. i wanna start to play simcity 4.. but.. i hate the money thgy.. if gt cheat code to hav everythg free.. den very gd...
oh ok.. i think i can see abit of my personality in these 2 thg i do.. i like to control over thgs.. wif unlimited sources.. yeah~ juz tat.. and help of others.. abit.. tat dun obstruct wad i do.. haha.. so dammit.. if i looked better and hav a wide range of gd and close frens. i will be doing wad every youngsters do now.. go chalets.. go swimming.. go on trips.. go on everythg! i wanna try! but nt somethg disgusting like bio experiment.. it suxs.. wad else? i dunno.. i'm juz toking crap here.. i think i offended more ppl liao.. nvm.. dun really wanna care.. feel like sg suxs.. sg ppl suxs.. dint noe y my old classmates or sort of frens.. hav a so gd range of gd frens.. haiz.. me.. is juz money prob.. everythg is ok liao...really...
if i won toto or wadsoever.. i think a hav a plan on wad to do to the money liao.. like.. design my own hse.. or buy a hse all tat.. but.. before all tat.. the money belongs to my parents.. cuz.. i wont giv my money to the singapore "you yong chi".. (singapore swimming pool - singapore pools).. yeah.. i'm nt going to buy 4D.. or toto or wadsoever.. haiz....really is all on my own.. wif no back source or so called back up.. for me to start a business.. no rich background to provide money support.. and wonder.. will i hav a gd fren to provide business backup? dunno
pandaboo penned at 11/12/2004 01:15:00 am
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think free.live free
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
ok la.. find abit time to blog.. although tml is my bio re-paper.. or can say its retest la.. but i haven start learning or can say is studying yet.. ya.. juz backed frm dental.. but surprisingly.. today i nv brace.. hehe.. ahya.. den gt abit disagreement between my father and me again.. on which type of brace to choose.. old and cheap one or the new and abit expensive one...
of course... the new one is more high tech and better.. 10 weeks den go check one time.. but den the cheap one is 1 month check one time.. and muz pay a fee la.. for the cheap one.. i think is pay $100 each time till MAX $2300.. and the expensive one i also forgot.. but i heard is 10weeks $140 like tat.. but my father say is $300+.. dunno la.. till a MAX of $2800.. and i really remembered i heard.. if my situation get better.. and can take off the braces before i pay till $2800... they will refund us the remaining money lo.. but my father insist tat there is no such thg.. den i ask him call and ask.. he scold me liao.. wah lau.. i dun hav a say in everythg one la..
today.. so sick.. i nv eat.. cuz break time go see mdm low.. tok abt last fri thg again.. den nv eat lo.. very hungry during bio lesson.. but muz tahan.. den started to feel unwell liao.. den tot i go see mr beh for meeting liao den can go buy thgs eat and come back home rest.. but cant.. i muz take the nat's bio note frm daniel and photocopy.. i tot he study liao leh! den he say he wanted it back.. den.. no choice lo.. sch cant photocopy.. hav to walk to my hse this side.. i am damn unwell and hav to walk wif the stupid heavy bag.. i noe.. tats my prob.. i really noe tat.. and if i tell daniel tat.. he will sure say "tats ur problem lo.. who ask u nv eat... who ask u need see mr beh... who ask u yesterday dowan take the notes.. who ask u...." i can predict.. so dowan argue wif him la.. so i suffer abit la.. wif a hungry and tired plus sick situation.. walked to the shop.. and saw bunch of ppl inside.. hy they all.. also photocopying...hy photocopy the most la.. all chem notes... for her tutor.. wah lau.. i was waiting.. and mayb tat shop person nv see me or wad.. den one other auntie come in and say "photocopy one of this... one can liao".. den the shop person photocopy for her.. damn lo! i was queuing for 30mins leh! dammit.. den like tat cut queue.. i was really going to faint.. den photocopy liao.. daniel came.. take the notes and went home.. me still hav to walk till the other end.. the foodcourt and eat..
at tat time damn alot of ppl.. den faster eat liao.. den hav to rush back to sch for meeting.. den by the time i reach home.. abt 4pm liao.. so tired.. sick.. and wadsoever.. really tahan till the time i put down my bag and all thgs.. i jump on bed liao.. erm.. nt jump.. juz lie.. fall on bed.. and slp all the way.. in between gt few calls.. although i pick up.. i dunno wad they toking.. juz ok ok ok and ok.. den bye!.. den i continue to slp.. until 6pm.. parents come back.. ask me go bath.. and start to scold me for nt ready as my dental appointment is 6.30pm.. den i'm half awake.. den hurry went to bath and den mother cook mee pok.. den i eat damn fast.. wif yakult.. den go brush teeth all tat so fast.. tat its done in 20mins only.. all!!! haiz.. den rush down to my father's car and hurry to the dental liao... den in the end.. only talk abt wad wad wad..
den say i shld go for early treatment.. now my teeth and jaws all tat is facing downwards.. which makes my face long.. and this is cuz i breathe thru mouth more often.. and my teeth is nt bad and only the top front part where cuz my tougue keep pushing it forward and hence like tat.. other than tat.. i'm ok.. but wan brace.. and +++ alot other thg.. wad rubber band thg.. wah lau.. den alot money.. haiz...
ok.. long blog today.. hav to rush to complete my bio today.. ok.. mdm low.. talked to me.. abt fong case.. she said tat every year she also saw this kind of thg happening.. and she shared wif me some experience la.. but some cant say.. =p
den.. she said fong is like tat.. her way of thinking is very different.. her way of treatment is different.. blah blah blah.. all these la.. and den ask me to forgiv her.. and say when i forgiv her.. i will feel better.. and ask me to apologise for being late.. and she said puntuality(dunno izzit like tat spell anot) is very imp.. i noe.. but i late for fong.. i dun care... and say alot thg.. ask me next time dun like tat.. and if i say sorry to her.. den den fong will be upset cuz she failed to make me angry or wad la.. i was thinking.. siao.. fong is a siao person.. really 'fong' (crazy).. like tat of person also hav.. and my father was saying.. "ren!" (tolerate) cuz out in the society.. there r more ppl like tat.. ya i understand.. mdm low says i hav a strong character.. dun like the sayings or wadsoever fong do to break me down and destroy me.. i noe tat! i wont! but i also wont giv in.. but for my own benefit.. i hav to apologise for wad i hav done.. ONLY if fong tok abt it again.. and.. we shld pity her.. pity her for nt able to do a better job.. if she is late.. she nv apologise.. we shld pity her and feel sorry for her for being this kind of idiotic person.. and forgiv her or wadsoever.. ya.. i understand.. and i wont say anythg again until after o lvl.. unless its too extreme...
ya.. i have a STRONG character.. i stand on my stand firmly.. ppl asked me to let the matter rest.. ok fine.. i let it off for 10months.. but i wont fully let the matter rest.. i WILL sure say somethg after o lvl.. i really cant stand her... ya... mdm low was saying.. the word "ren"(in chinese) is "xin shang cha dao" ( knife stab on the heart) *as the word 'ren' is written la..* 忍忍忍.. for those can read chinese word.. tats how it's written.. and can see.. it also looks like there is blood coming out frm the heart.. ya.. mdm low said its pain... but once u forgiv and forget.. it wont hurt anymore.. but i was thinking.. the scar tat fong did on me.. cannot be erased.. i will remember it.. i WILL!... its a scar.. ya.. i also make scar.. or i may stab myself even more.. cuz.. i'm nt able to voice up for myself.. and let ppl insult.. let others say.. let others make up stories abt me.. and i will be upset and regret tat i cant speak up or reason it out for myself.. hence i will stab myself more.. feel sorry for myself! "dui bu qi zi ji".. haiz.. but no choice.. the scar will be there.. and remind me.. for nt being someone like fong.. and be a better person all these la...
ohya.. thx for those who understand me.. and thx for those who write comments.. and thx for those who encourage and advise me.. and tat shld be thx to everyone.. but i will hate fong the same.. even though i heard she looked after a orphanage last time.. really took care for tat person.. i'm shocked to hear tat.. nv tot she was tat gd.. but i still believe their is other thgs behind it.. i will still hate her for her attitude.. and i'm sure she tok bad abt me infront of alot of teachers.. even those who dunno me.. but mdm low says.. "u gt 8 teacher.. one tok bad abt u.. u hav 7 more.. the 7.. we understand her.. and we will nt really believe wad she said.. as she dun really say the facts.. as we noe her style.. so.. u dun need to worry"... ya.. but wad if she said it to other teachers who dunno me? and the teachers believed her? and wad happen if i gt to work wif the teacher in other thgs and remembered my name "weirong" as a rude person who is very bad.. den die lo.. haiz.....ok la.. cya.. i hav to go study liao...
pandaboo penned at 11/09/2004 07:43:00 pm
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think free.live free
Friday, November 05, 2004
reply to xy comment.. i said liao.. next year.. will go back and see wad happen... I WONT giv up my humilities.. its my fav sub.. i do very well last time.. really.. and i wont giv up.. they force me giv up.. i will complain.. and if can.. see lawyer.. damn her.. i WONT forgiv her until she die..
i wont write appeal letter.. cuz the letter she wans means i muz apologise to her and write dunno wad crap.. i also dunno.. i wont care to write.. even if i write.. i will state down wad she did in these few months.. i remembered quite clearly... i say.. i will go to her lessons to absorb her lifetime experience..its my gain.. but i dint say i wanna write appeal letter... y shld i regret? i only regret if i done anythg wrong.. stating her mistakes.. wrong meh? juz now argue wif my mother abt these... if everyone dun care.. den wad will the society be like?! my mother ask me dun care her.. qian jiu her.. but i cant! my character is like tat.. once someone is wrong.. i wan to let the person noe he/she is wrong.. i noe i'm wrong.. i'm gonna apologise if needed.. BUT i only apologise for being late.. NOT for my attitude.. i feel nth wrong.. even though she our senior.. so wad? wrong means wrong.. she superior.. so wad? even if lee kwan yew make mistake.. he also muz go court wad.. can he go and call president to help him?! i believe these world hav justice...
die also wan face.. no face so wad? like in robotics.. my program cant work.. my junior one works.. i lose face.. so? i dun care abt face.. cuz its juz a moment.. a short time.. we hav plenty of face.. wahahaha.. ya.. she dun wan us to say out her mistakes.. if we say out.. means we r rude.. so.. she wont change.. until she dies.. but i wish her to noe her wrongs before she die...
ya i noe.. we cant go against them.. cuz they r more superior.. i noe she look down on me.. i dun wanna let her look down.. i dun wanna let her scold everytime.. for nth.. i really cant tolerate.. my mother ask me REN! but i cant! ren gt limit one! if i dun express out.. i cant survive.. cuz.. no reason.. i wanna be upright.. wrong means wrong.. i dun care..
my mother now says... "ur class ppl nv even say anythg! see.. others late also nv care her.. den y u go tok back! u sure lose one! other ppl nv say anythg.. y u say! they wont support u one! in the end without support.. u sure lose out.. ur cher gt other teachers to support.. u DUN! so now u dun go against her la.. she wrong is her business.. society gt prob other ppl will go settle la.. u dun so busy body..".. wah lau! but.. tats y! for 25years no one said a thg.. tats y she became so arrogant mah! no one cared to say abt her.. she wont realise her mistake at all! i'm juz cant tolerate tat i say out.. wads wrong? am i wrong to correct her? i nv shout at her very gd liao.. my attitude to tok to her very gd liao.. if other ppl.. will shake their leg and tok loudly liao.. i still gt "buts...".. but den she said no BUTS.. i dun care.. buts.. no but den y dictionary gt BUT this word.. BUT is used often.. ya.. my mum said "bu yao qiang chu tou la!".. say now she wanna purposely "zhen dui" me liao.. i die liao..
den my mum say.. u cant win unless ppl get together and defend.. "one chop stick break easily.. bunch of them wont break".. ya.. tats teamwork.. but my mum say.. and i also noe.. our class... no one will support me.. no one will stand at my side.. cuz everyone thinks tat i will lose.. ya.. i understand.. but i juz cant "dui bu qi" myself.. if i lose to myself.. how can i win others?! dammit.. k la.. gt thg den say liao...bye...sick liao.. kena infected liao.. haiz...
pandaboo penned at 11/05/2004 07:29:00 pm
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think free.live free
ohya.. now alot ppl sick ar.. first is xy.. den is gwen.. den is wei jie and chin yong den is... wynne.. alot ppl sick la.. so scare kena infected.. ahya.. but nvm.. wish them gd luck.. tak care of ur health.. wei jie.. dun so.. stubborn la.. sick till like tat still wan go sch.. ahyo...take care orh.. muz see doctor.. i mean.. let doctor see u.. hahaha...
all right.. feeling weird y i post my post at ths time? 9.46am.. lesson time.. no.. i'm nt at home.. i'm in sch.. ya.. really in sch.. okay.. today i late.. but nt so late.. zun zun 8.15am reach sch and so lucky tat i met FONG toking to hsiu ya... and when i first see her.. first sight.. den she use her idiot finger pointing at me liao... "U!! always late! my lesson den u late..".. den alot crap la.. den i say "cuz i slp late mah.. den i wake late...den i late for sch lo.. no choice..".. but i think she gt my "no choice" wrongly.. den she say "u gt a choice! u can come early!"..my no choice is like.. i wake late.. who to come early.. dun eat meh..but i nv say la.... den she repeat her sayings of maths sci and geog...damn la.. den i say tat nt every lesson i late.. nt only her lesson.. den she say "its sch day! its lesson.. u late for my lesson.. is the same as u late for sch! u late for sch.. izzit right? RIGHT OR WRONG!" den i cant say anythg.. den say wrong lo.. den she say "u late for my lessons... izzit right or wrong!" den i no chance say right mah.. only say wrong lo.. den she say alot liao.. den i try toking back... den she scare or wad.. den "u come!.. come!".. den go staff lounge see tan ai lin.. wif other teachers around leh.. so.. i dun dare to tok back la.. den i was like "ya la.. i'm wrong.." den fong keep saying tat i arrogant say wad wad wad.. but.. i cant tok back in front of so many teachers! dammit.. den they make me say till i wrong.. 100% i wrong.. den.. no choice lo.. den they are asking qn like.. 2 choice.. yes or no like tat.. den is opposing me.. den.. i no choice lo.. first is..."u wan to attend lessons?".. den of course i say "of course..".. den tan ai lin say.."u wan attend? go down write appeal letter.. if mrs fong dun like it.. den u dun attend.. if u nt sincere... also dun attend"..
fine! i giv an expression like "wah lau!.." cuz.. is i hav no say.. and fong say tat i reply to her very rude.. say my reply to her was.. "CUZ I WAKE UP LATE WAD".. when did i say the "WAD~" lamo... den say until i very very bad...den.. no choice lo.. i leave the staff room wif my tears dropping.. cant control one.. cuz.. hav a feeling of losing..nt LOST!.. wad happen if u lose? cry lo.. haiz.. den heng mr lau saw me... den come confort me and chat la.. den i learnt alot frm his talks.. this is part of life.. we will fail.. i come to this sch.. cuz my psle results.. i muz adapt to it.. but i cant let the environment control me.. i muz control it.. i see alot these kind of ppl.. this will teach me and make me nt to be like them.. and be an upright person.. ya.. true.. but i still hate fong.. so many ppl 'qian jiu' her for wad.. she wrong also nv say sorry... ya.. i'm wrong.. but she wrong first.. as i say.. whoever treat me well.. i treat them well... whoever treat me like shit.. hell cares them... suckers.. i hate is hate.. but i may also help them(as in ppl i hate) sometimes.. cuz.. my personality is like tat mah.. haiz.. i dun like unfairness.. i dun find myself perfect.. and i hope others to be perfect.. selfish hor? but tan ai lin ask me write appeal letter sincerely and apologise.. this is NO NO WAY!.. even if i need her(as in fong) for future.. i wont apologise for her wrongs.. damn her.. if i can dun attend her lessons.. i wont! but i ask liao.. i muz attend her lessons den i can take o lvl the subject.. dammit! this kind of teacher.. i noe my parents wont support me one.. they will say "ahya.. forget it la.. they r ur teachers..dun like tat la".. den.. no one support me.. i support myself la! like.. no one cares abt me.. i care for myself! no one wans watch movie wif me.. i go watch it myself la! me myself and i.. see.. gt 3 types of saying to call myself.. others is he, him and himself??? ..only.. so.. me is still superior.. wahahah!
tok crap.. haha.. btw.. today last day of her lessons liao.. until next year.. next year den see how lo.. i wont let ppl look down on me.. i will become a better person.. so ppl.. dun worry abt me and dun laugh at me... hehehe.. i noe i'm lame...dowan tok more bad abt fong liao.. cuz.. i say liao also no use.. she is juz wu li qu nao.. lamer.. too much bad thgs abt her liao.. i dun wanna care.. next time attend her lessons.. juz absorb her experience.. is my gain.. nt my loss.. so.. y shld i be the one to loss? i absorb her experience.. i gain and i do better.. y not?! ppl r like tat.. its like tat.. life is like tat.. unfairness.. so.. wad now? i dunno lo.. see wad... next year she dowan care.. den i dun care lo.. she tok kok abt me again.. i will see den.. i noe she tok bad abt me everytime.. say i always oppose her.. is she oppose me la.. i late den kena.. others late also nth.. i think cuz she dun like my attitude.. but i hate her attitude too.. arrrogant.. wahahahahaha! cya den..
pandaboo penned at 11/05/2004 09:46:00 am
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think free.live free
Thursday, November 04, 2004
today.. its another lesson day.. wif the same sub.. same teachers.. and mayb... same time? and many thgs happen during these few days...remedials.. suxs... everyone is in holiday mood liao.. but still hav to attend lessons...especially FONG one.. everyday sia.. frm 8 to 10.30am.. 2.5 hrs.. 5 days.. total 12.5 hrs.. haiz.. sian lo.. 2 sub.. each 1 topic.. can teach so long.. pei fu pei fu...
den mon...i went sch late.. cuz in holiday mood mah.. den i cant find any of my classmates...so scare sia.. dunno wad to do.. den saw few of them walk to general office.. den i see the whole crowd of 3E in the principal room listening to 'talks'... actually i dunno wad happen la.. but i heard is FONG ask for volunteer to help her of wad.. den no one wans or wad.. den she go complain to principal lo.. siao her sia.. she ASKED for VOLUNTEERS leh.. means the person muz we WILLING to help.. if they dun help.. she also hav no choice mah.. like tat also complain.. siao sia.. den giv tat kind of face.. I HATE TAT! in fact.. i see her face expression i hate liao.. den she gd la.. release us at 10am.. we tot she let us go early one.. den after sch went to ngee ann poly for the engineering thgy.. and i heard the person ask for volunteers.. and same.. no one wans.. so.. muz we ALL.. 1000++ students frm 80++ sch to go see the ngee ann principal?? LAME LEH!
tue.. ok la.. i wait quite early.. den went sch.. sian again.. all ppl waiting at study area for the huang tai hou (FONG) to come.. den she came abt 10mins later.. den.. she nv say anythg... nv apologise.. nv even said a word.. and giv the same kind of face.. dammit.. nvm.. i dun care... den she still let us off at 10am.. shiok.. so we dun mind la.. hehe.. den..after sch me..chin yong and wei jie went to sim lim.. i really muz thx wei jie.. he so sick liao still go wif us.. walk so long.. den me and chin yong bought somethg la.. cy bought a wireless optical mouse without needing batt!!! new tech.. haha..but muz be on the mouse pad they giv... den me bought a Gigabyte FX5500 128mb.. frm the vendors.. i heard its quite old liao.. and even stopped producing liao.. but nvm la.. i gt a low budget.. no choice.. but still shiok.. can play alot games without lag liao.. last time i cant even open.. lol..
wed.. hmm.. i dunno y i late for sch also.. holiday mood? hahaha.. i late lo.. abt 20mins.. i go in the 'palace' (geog rm).. den she continue to teach without looking at me.. fine lo.. i greet her when i walk pass her... but when i beside her... she blocking my way.. she nv even move aside...damn her...fine... ohya..btw...the gals the the boys change sides liao...the seats la...and these shows tat huang tai hou is either gt neck problem or direction error..or both...cuz she still looks at the left... and we guys really relaxed more without her idiot face looking at us....hehe..but this time.. we nt so lucky liao.. she found out tat her lesson at at 10.30.. hence.. she dun let us go liao.. and she said mrs khoo wanna see us after her lessons.. so.. we wait lo.. den mrs khoo come and distriute EM hw.. and 10.50am den release.. dammit.. how we gonna eat? den most of us are hungry lo.. so we dun care and went to eat... till 11.30am den come back.. den haliza was quite angry but she said "its nt ur fault.. in fact.. u all DESERVE ur break".. ya! we deserved it! we are students and some of us is still under puberty! how can dun eat.. siao la her...heng haliza better.. understand us more.. hehe
den today... wad a FINE day...ok la.. today i late again.. but.. at first nt purposely..cuz nt feeling well... den late abt 15mins lo...den on the way to sch saw teck hua.. so.. we walk slowly and take a walk around the sch...den at 8.30am finally decided to go into the palace... den.. gt scolding lo.. i juz sit down only.. den.. "U! late 2 times already! dun think tat geog nt imp!! sci and maths is nt so imp!!! dun always show ur sci books and forget abt geog! geog is more imp!! I'm sure u wont come late if first period is sci and maths.. u purposely one!! HEY! my grades is better than those maths and sci teachers!!!".. den.. my reaction slow la.. nv tok back.. plz lo.. if really test her.. she sure fail one la... yes.. i dun deny tat she met the standards of wad a teacher muz do..* nt REALLY do*... but her attitude and the way she handle thgs.. SUXS!
and after tat.. i heard tat before i come.. she tok more abt me.. saying bad abt me.. alot la.. i think 30mins she saying those crap.. lame leh her.. me and teck hua go in together.. she only scold me.. sucker!.. i heard she say wad..."that boy only care abt computer..only care abt science and maths...treat my subject like shit" den also alot crap la.. say " he tot his comp very gd.. den dun care abt geog..." damn her.. if i there.. i will say "U MORE THAN ME DEN SAY LA!" crap sia...and alot la.. she also say our class wad arrogant or wad la.. say alot.. den say until we very bad.. and say other teachers nt as gd as her.. say she o lvl marker.. *no wonder tat year ppl fail like siao*.. SIAO la her.. i HATE her to the core.. gt alot reasons.. now... trying very hard to capture her pics.. and create a page specially for her... a "ABOUT FONG" page.. and testimonials for her.. LOL.. finding resources now la...
and ya.. i think she is more ARROGANT than us.. wahahahaha! tml.. i will still be late... see if i hav the guts to tok back her anot.. and also muz see her mood.. and see who is more reasonable la.. see lo.. if situation is gd for me.. i dun mind saying out all my feelings... remember.. i curse her.. i curse her.. i CURSE HER! i dowan do anythg wrong.. i dun curse her family or wad.. i juz curse her.. curse her... make her mute.. cuz she tok crap.. and muz let her hav a feeling like us....!!!!.. i nt act big hor.. i juz say out my feelings...
pandaboo penned at 11/04/2004 10:44:00 pm
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think free.live free
: 4:44 pm
