Friday, November 12, 2004
haiz.. holiday liao.. really holiday liao.. and.. wad i gonna do? shld i carry out my plans? of course i shld.. but how do i start? haiz.. changing.. its so difficult.. cuz i dun even noe who i am now.. can anyone tell me? haiz.. dunno la.. now so really nth to do and sian.. explore in frenster.. like everyone is so happy all tat.. and ppl who r active is all going back to their country for their holidays.. and me..? i dunno
i juz felt so sian and suay.. gt the fong case.. and i really gt nth to do abt it anymore until my o lvl ends.. haiz.. robogp competition.. i MUST win.. or else ppl will say "see la.. put so much time in ur robotics and get nth back".. mayb i will hav better replies to console myslef.. haiz.. but.. its true lo.. put so much effort and get nth is damn shit! haiz.. y i feel so sad nowadays? i noe i may nt be as sad as some of u all.. but.. my this kind of sadness is pastering me always.. whenever i gt nth to do.. whenever i felt tired.. or wadsoever.. haiz.... Y!!! ppl really hav a gd family like in tv shows.. but.. nt saying i hav a bad family.. but my family seems to be lacking of somethg.. and i cant do anythg.. i really felt i'm under much pressure and obstructions... how leh? i dunno.. mayb i hav choices.. but i dunno wad.. and wad to choose..
if u gimme choices to choose frm.. how i noe i wan which one.. when ever i hav no choices.. i will always pursue the one i wanted.. but when comes to having choices.. i'm nt decisve.. haiz.. dunno who i am.. i wanna succeed.. but wan lead a simple life.. how to do both together? once u succeed.. ur life cant be simple...cuz my dream is real big.. haiz...dunno! i dunno how sometimes.. time pass.. although i hav to work towards my studies.. some things keep hendering me.. or wadever u call tat.. i dunno.. haiz.. how to be happy? i hav to do thgs tat i may nt wan to do.. to be happy.. yeah... this few days... me.. daniel.. hy and natalia hav chats.. find it really gd.. or else i will really be bored.. i learnt quite a few vocab.. and learnt some facts of life.. and.. lots more.. i'm still a small toot in this world.. haiz.. sometimes.. i feel tat silence is gd.. but sometimes its really suxs.. yeah.. everythg hav its adv and disadv.. and we nv noe who will be gone some day.. but no one wish tat someone will be gone!
i hav lots of feelings... for some ppl.. or for somethgs.. or juz some comments.. but i'm really scared to voice out.. cuz i noe wads the outcome.. haiz.. y?! like the fong thgy.. i voice out.. in the end.. i hav no say at all.. world is said to be unfair.. but y?! cant we all hav a win win situation? i feel like really being a police.. but i also understand.. police cant do much on somethgs.. even if we noe some ppl is gangster-like and create troubles for the society.. we always dun hav evidence to catch them...
yeah.. in those chat.. we r toking abt evil.. and love.. oh nvm.. the love thg is crap.. evil.. yeah.. evil seems gd.. and it is happy to be evil.. cuz evil.. u do everythg u wan.. it meets wad u wan.. so u happy! and evil ppl.. always get away easily.. be gd.. gd kind and all wadsoever.. means hav to tolerate.. hav to think abt this and tat and stop u frm doing somethgs.. haiz.. how to find happiness? nt in shows.. life seems so simple and naive.. like everythg is predicted.. haiz.. i dunno.. i really dunno wad can i do now.. dun tell me to do hw.. dun tell me to study.. until i hav the urge to do it.. which is when i'm completely free.... i still hav competitions.. and .. even if i tell my mother.. "i dowan go out.. i wan study".. she also dun believe and say all sorts of thgs to ask me go out.. wad can i do? tok back? i dun wanna argue wif family members.. haiz.. it seems gd to hav siblings.. like everythg is done for u.. so gd.. yeah.. i hav a sis.. came back frm aust liao.. and parents r planning for me to go aust.. i really dunno wad to do.. i wanna juz lead a simple life and stay in sg.. but can i? wif my stupid results.. ppl tot i in 3E.. pure sciences.. very gd.. SO WAD?! i suxs la!.. L1R5.. 26 leh! i need to get 10! dammit.. how.. how! HOW!!! study.. study.. y study deadly!!! i dunno.. i really feel like doing anythg..
yeah.. next week.. gonna be mad and queue for a mp3 player at $199 for over a night.. juz for tat.. queuing.. i nv think of tat.. nv think tat i would be so stupid to do this kind of thg.. but.. i am.. i juz really hav nth to do.. i dun mind going to airport to study.. i dun mind travelling for nth.. as long as if i gt the money.. but i dun.. haiz.. juz feel like.. going east coast or wadsoever.. and cycle.. cycle for nth.. juz cycle.. i dunno.. really dunno wad to do.. if i hav a car.. i might be driving around sg.. for nth.. ok.. 1st dec.. going for bracing.. dunno how will i look.. but.. i dunno.. brace cuz if nt.. my jaws will be a big prob when i grow up.. and.. i juz hope my black 'area' around my eyes could juz disappear.. and i hav nth else to comment on my looks.. juz tat.. my character.. i dunno.. i hav a strong character.. u sure? think so bah.. oh dammit.. i'm now toking to myself.. i dun even noe wad i'm toking.. so i guess u all also wont understand.. ok.. this suxs,... i gonna stop.. as i say.. i really hav nth to do.. tml.. i going lan.. yeah.. LAN.. play generals.. cuz tats the only game i play now.. build my own army and attack my enemies.. can u find explainations for who i am for juz wad i do? mayb some ppl can.. but i dun think so.. yeah.. i wanna start to play simcity 4.. but.. i hate the money thgy.. if gt cheat code to hav everythg free.. den very gd...
oh ok.. i think i can see abit of my personality in these 2 thg i do.. i like to control over thgs.. wif unlimited sources.. yeah~ juz tat.. and help of others.. abit.. tat dun obstruct wad i do.. haha.. so dammit.. if i looked better and hav a wide range of gd and close frens. i will be doing wad every youngsters do now.. go chalets.. go swimming.. go on trips.. go on everythg! i wanna try! but nt somethg disgusting like bio experiment.. it suxs.. wad else? i dunno.. i'm juz toking crap here.. i think i offended more ppl liao.. nvm.. dun really wanna care.. feel like sg suxs.. sg ppl suxs.. dint noe y my old classmates or sort of frens.. hav a so gd range of gd frens.. haiz.. me.. is juz money prob.. everythg is ok liao...really...
if i won toto or wadsoever.. i think a hav a plan on wad to do to the money liao.. like.. design my own hse.. or buy a hse all tat.. but.. before all tat.. the money belongs to my parents.. cuz.. i wont giv my money to the singapore "you yong chi".. (singapore swimming pool - singapore pools).. yeah.. i'm nt going to buy 4D.. or toto or wadsoever.. haiz....really is all on my own.. wif no back source or so called back up.. for me to start a business.. no rich background to provide money support.. and wonder.. will i hav a gd fren to provide business backup? dunno
pandaboo penned at 11/12/2004 01:15:00 am
think free.live free
