Why is it that you have to destroy my dreams, my hopes, my motivation, my thinkings, my ideas and my life EVERY SINGLE TIME! It is that bad for my existence?!
You think I want to be late for school?! You think I want to spend your precious money and take cab to school?! You think I want to study until so late in school everyday?! You think I want to skip my dinner at home and spend money to eat outside?! You think I want to sleep late?! You think I really wanted to study so much?!
All because of what?! You tell me lah! Yes, my future. Perfectly correct answer. But frankly speaking, my heart has always been going against you all! Just that my mind don't allow it.
Can't you see I am trying so hard to do all these?! It may not be that tough everytime but there are the tough times and YOU will be the one stepping in to make it worse.
You think education in Singapore is easy?! You think managing so many things at one go is easy? Why do you always want me to be someone normal, someone that follows everything and develop my character like a robot?!
你的一句 "读到这么辛苦就不要读啦!", 让我回想起很多很多不美好的回忆. 让我想起你怎么样对代一个还没懂事的小孩. 也想起你那些 "看不起" 我的话. 当我还在上小学的时后, 你已认为我是一个没出息的家伙, 也说我做不了什么大事. 我听了不知有多心痛. 你们从没认识你们的小孩. 不了解就算了, 你们还觉得是我的错. 觉得是我太过文静, 不愿和他们勾通. 你们可以自己想想吗?! 我有什么机会能够做下来谈谈心事? 我讲的每一句话都是错的. 时间久了, 我自然而然就不想说什么了.
我在想, 如果我是其他人的话, 在你们这 "细心" 的教导下, 我会变成这么样的人. 答案很快就显示在我脑里. 不是流氓就是自闭症的孩子. 在想久一点, 我的福建话应该很流利才对. 从小就听到了那么多形容身体部分的词汇, 我骂人的功夫也应该是很好的...
你们的这些话, 毁了我的个人思想, 毁了我奋斗的精神. 我真的很失望. 人家说家是温暖的. 人家说父母亲的爱是比不上任何人的. 不过, 老实说, 我真的感受不到. 一个从没抱过我, 一个没鼓励过我. 我真的不知道 "鼓励" 这个字 是怎么写的.
My heart tells me to rebel, to go against and leave house. But my mind says the otherwise. My heart wants me to vent my anger. My mind ask me to calm down and do the morally right things.
没办法, 我不知道该怎么做. 我只好做个你们要看到的乖孩子. 你们开心就好.
我不受苦, 谁受苦?
家家有本难念的经.
pandaboo penned at 8/21/2007 11:02:00 pm
think free.live free
: 2:53 pm