I suddenly dun feel like blogging wad i wanted to blog just now.. abt my PW my day..my life..
i actually dun wish u to read this post... but i also feel tat u shld read this post.. but if this post will make our relationship worse.. i hope u dun read it den...i do not wish my post will casue any more conflicts
i read somethg tat i wish i dint read.. nth is as hurting as tat.. although it is nt directed at me.. but it is related to me.. i am nt really directly invloved in the whole thg.. but i muz say.. i am in the middle.. middle position.. mayb i am the cause for the whole thg.. i may be born as a bastard to u.. but how the hell i noe?!
I don't really know wad happened then.. but frm wad i can see.. alot thgs happened.. u r nt happy and i am nt happy too.. u may think i live happily but i dun really..... compared to u.. i mayb live a better life.. but.. sometimes.. it is juz so different..i dunno how to describe
i am at one side.. i dunno how u felt at the other end.. but frm wad u wrote.. i think i can feel it... i dunno who is at fault.. i do not noe the whole thg.. but frm my side.. i heard quite some of negative thgs on ur side..i think this is expected lah.. i'm nt sure how ur side thinks abt my side.. but frm wad u wrote.. i think u also had lots of negative stories abt my side..
yah.. it's abit weird tat actually we are all in one 'room' but we are separated somehow...i knew u will dislike him.. but din noe till such a large extent... u complained abt him.. but he complained abt u also.. ok.. i'm nt gonna make thgs worse.. but i think u expected this also.. i am in a neutral position becuz i do not noe wad had actually happened.. i only noe tat ur call.. brought along lots of fires here also.. u seldom called.. and ur this rare call juz came in to look for somethg u want.. i think this is the reason y the fire spark off...becuz frm wad we remembered.. ur calls only come when u r in need of somethg
i'm living in a war area since then... but frm my side.. he had gav in alot.. frm the stories i've heard.. he had done quite alot part in wad he shld be doing... no choice.. it's a fact tat we are now in different room.. he cannot provide the treatments he could giv in the same room.. but den.. actually.. i feel the same as u too.. he is nt close to me either.. i seldom tok to them also.. i sometimes wonder who am i.. y am i so different frm others..mayb becuz of tat incident and the 'feel' is different..
i tell myself i shldnt hav posted this.. but u wrote somethg abt someone tat is closely related to me.. i read it and i cant control myself to help defend him.. afterall.. he, to me is as closely related as the 'her' to u..
i dunno much thgs and i repeat.. i hope i dun spark off more fires if u read my post....in my opinion.. i think u shldnt hav blamed him for the every suffering u had.. i can somehow understand how u feel and the hatred in u.. but den.. sometimes.. u shld control it and tok nicely.. mayb i'm nt in the position to comment anythg here.. or maybe i dun even hav the permission to make comments here...but tats wad i think.. frm wad i noe...
i dunno wad i am writing here.. but den.. i juz wanna write..i am suffering too.. emotionally.. i do not noe which side i shld trust...
peace
i juz feel like hiding in a corner.. a silent corner.. i wan to think. rest my mind.. but i dunno wad i wan to think.. i feel so lost now.. i just feel like spending big bucks on food.. to fill myself up.. and slp the whole day.. but the prob is.. i'm broke.. really.. trust me.. my family got $0 income now.. resources are limited and may be depleted anytime if anythg happens..really.. dun u all think i am a rich kid or wad.. i am juz a person tat u all think i spend alot on thgs.. but i save them in another way.. really.. i only spend quite alot money on frens.. juz becuz i put frens on almost the same lvl of importance as family.. mayb becuz i am considered the only child and my relations to my parents isnt tat strong...
this is one of the first times i used so much censorship in my blog.. juz becuz.. i dowan to say it all.. for some reasons.. if u dun understand.. plz dun ask me..i hope i will recoever soon.. and hope our relationships get better someday.. i need u sometimes.. really.. i am still a kid and i cant decide lots of stuffs.. i hope u can btw...
hope tat the new month will be a better month..
明天会更好!
does this shows my mood?
juz dled the windows media player 11 beta.. very chio
pandaboo penned at 5/31/2006 09:55:00 pm
think free.live free
