now i'm filled wif anger and sadness.. i dunno.. i was sad few hour ago and anger find me few mins ago... i'm very very tired today.. i slept till 3pm in the afternoon.. my mother is damn unhappy abt it and scold scold scold and nag nag nag.. thats still ok but the worse part is.. i'm still half awake and i hav to listen to her crap!
not tat i hate my mother.. but i'm gonna state the fact.. i noe its wrong to say my mother no gd or wad.. but i dunno! i was half awake.. sleepy still.. haven even get everythg right and she was scolding all the way.. nvm.. den nvm.. wake up bath liao she still continue the same old thg and scold!!!!! den she say wad i play till very late den nv study and den now sch gonna reopen liao i still nv do hw... they juz think tat i PLAY for the wholeday and nv even TOUCH my hw.. but i thg is.. in the last 2 weeks of holiday.. i played.. but i also did my hw!!! i found tat i cant study at home cuz of the noise the the stupid environment.. my mother will be toking to the tv and scolding the tv cuz of the stupid korea drama series... den sometimes ppl call and she will be toking and laughing loudly.. how am i going to do hw like tat?! and its really WARM and my mother will say open the windows and doors and everythg! to let the air come in.. MY FOOT.. outside is SUNNY like siao! ur hand go out also can feel the HEAT.. and she say outside hav cold air.. wah lan eh! same as my father! i told them our hse is cooler and the cool air will go out instead of come in! they dun believe and they say wad i say is LAME! fine! open! i feel hotter.. i cant concentrate.. and i'm sweating.. my hands become sticky and den eventually dirty.. i feel VERY uncomfortable and i cannot take it....
so i decided to go lib do hw.. yah.. at first there is some prob finding place to study.. but den we noe the timing when we can go lib.. so me and my fren go lo.. go there do hw.. very quiet very cool and very nice.. i do very well there.. and u noe wad.. i come home and my parents keep asking where i go.. i TOLD them i go lib and they NV even REMEMBER! WTF?! they take my words as fart ah! den they say "go lib FOR WAD?" WAH LAN! go lib study lah! den go lib play meh! den my mother say ... "i noe u sure go lib there play.. dont think i dunno.. they hav comps there.. " WTF!!! i tried to explain but no use!!! I NEVER PLAY!!! but they say i play!!!! i'm so damn angry and sad.. angry and sad cuz they are my parents and they dun trust me..
i showed my mother how much e maths i've done and she say "okokok" in a very unwillingful way.. and she said "tats last time one.. dun take and bluff me".. if u were me.. wad will u do??!! i was surprised at tat time.. i'm shocked.. i dunno wad to do!!! i really feel like crying.. tat really hurts.. wad am i to them? juz a piece of junk tat they pick up frm the rubbish bin? yah.. i still remember this phrase they say to me when i was juz 5 years old.. when they unhappy and i nv do wad they say.. they will say i not their child.. say they pick me up frm the rubbish bin one.. and not juz one time.. is alot times
i am so damn sad.. yah.. juz now 3pm kena scolded tat i nv study all these and keep playing.. yah.. abit agree and regret i played so much.. its ok for them to say these.. but its definietly NOT OK when they say i had done NO work... so i felt bad... and i promise to myself tat i will finish all chem by today.. or till 4am in the morning...so i started doing chem after i eaten.. i do do do.. alot dunno how to do.. i think i'm a failure.. i noe nth.. nt even "does water conduct electricity?"... i'm juz confused by this small qn... ppl say yes.. but notes say no cuz its covalent compound... so wad?... den i alot dunno lo....do till very sian
i hav all these stupid qn tats unsolve to me.. i dunno y all these subject make it so blur.. so confusing.. i hate these sciences.. cuz they nv teach EVERYTHG.. but juz teach some some basic ones becuz we r still schooling.. but sometimes.. ahya.. confusing lah.. so i think think think.. think y i am so stupid.. and think y no one can understand me.. and i ask ppl the water qn.. in the end ans is still "dunno".. how sad?! i regret.. i regret for nt being clever.. i regret for having my this personality of thinking too much.. y juz a simple qn i hav to think so much and confuse myself??!!! i dunno i dunno! my parents say thgs tat very hurting.. and i dunno how to phrase it here.. really dunno..
my father angry wif me for keep using my comp.. but i really on to listen to songs and do hw.. he dun believe.. he say he will nv support me again.. he ask me go work.. dun need study liao.. say i will suffer in the future.. say i will die.. ppl will look down on me... and they say last time i quarrel wif FONG and tats y i fail.. now wad generation liao.. now where got this type of thg liao.. den they even say they wan go find the mayor to let me pass my exams... LAME!!! crap and lame!!! i HATE tat.. its a SHAME to say tat.. and even say becuz i quarrel wif FONG.. my o lvl sure fail.. WTF?! i haven take o lvl and they say SURE FAIL.. wah lau! my heart is broken! i dunno lah! they always say all these kind of thg.. i noe they didnt meant it.. but.. i still feel hurt..
and one fact i noe.. my father NEVER carry me before when i was young.. he refuse to do so.. i was really shocked when i heard tat.. i dunno.. i'm confused now..and u all shld noe.. my father wan me go engineering.. he say very gd... can earn alot money.. is confirm hav job one.. but den.. u all shld noe.. engineering is for those who really bad in studies one.. like D & T one.. and somemore electrical engineering.. but i noe now got ALOT of these engineers.. and i think i will be no use being tat engineer lo.. i hav no interest in hand work one... wad take wad metal and hit hit hit.. no way! tats stupid for me.. and as i said.. they still tot its the past.. like FONG said.. last time government wan ppl be engineers.. but now everythg is different.. everythg is changing.. i explained to my father and he say "u dun listen is ur prob lah! dun come tok to me lah! next time i wont support u liao! u go eat shit lah! no use! useless!".. wad can i say leh? i noe they wish me gd.. but.. but.. they are juz not realistic....
juz now.. i said i was doing chem.. i wanted to ask ppl qn.. and i see daniel online but busy state.. den i see him in cs.. den i was thinking.. ahya.. go in play play 1 round see.. den i juz pressed the icon to play.. my mother come in.. HOW SUAY! den she say i am not doing hw and playing for the past few hours.. and i explained tat i juz went in.. den she say "where got so qiao.. i come in den u juz play.. dun think i dunno u played for the past few hours.. ".. after this sentence.. she carry on the hurting sentences.. say i cant study.. i go eat shit lah.. go work lah.. no use liao.. wadever.. tats y i fill wif anger now..
ppl say "nan zi han.. liu xie bu liu lei"... but while i am writing this blog.. all those bad memories appear in my mind.. EVERYTHG..sad.. anger.. confusing thgs all come out.. and my tears juz fell.. now i dunno wad to write liao.. i hav no mood for everythg liao.. i really dun wish to hate my parents.....really....
今天谚语 :＂人不教不懂，钟不敲不鸣＂.
pandaboo penned at 6/25/2005 06:20:00 pm
think free.live free
: 5:16 pm