arlow all.... so long nv blog liao worx.. i'm getting crazy liao... i dunno wad to do.. dunno wad to write *mayb hav alot to write but dunno how to express it lar*.. same as like writing compo like tat...haiz.. ignore the previous post.. tats crap.. cuz i write when server down den everythg is anyhow write one.. haiz... ok.. here it goes...
i'm quite confused wif everythg i do lately.. dunno y leh.. i feel so tired.. time is really really running out.. mayb i noe it but i dun realise it in real life...so confused leh! abt every single thg lor.. but mostly is studies lah.. as i said in previous post.. alright.. u shldnt read the previous one.. erm.. so i can repeat =P ... erm.. confused lor.. dunno wan go jc or poly.. but i think now.. its whether i CAN or CANNOT go...den thursday my one relative came frm canada.. and my father was so eager to ask abt the education there.. cuz he like prepared to send me overseas le... but after toking to tat person... my father lost interest in canada liao.. cuz it take around 2 days juz to go to canada.. one day travel another day slp liao! haha.. den say there very cold.. and den nt very gd lor.. and the relative dun seems to look like able to take care of me.. den nvm bah.. now where to go liao.. looks like i juz hav to work so so so damn hard for 3 more years.. this year HAVE to get into jc.. but it seems so not very possible to me now.. i not saying i cannot.. but i able to work tat hard anot? can i giv up my computer for the time being anot? i dunno.. everyday come home i sure on comp.. i noe.. everythg i noe.. i noe wad i've done is all wrong and not supposed to.. i noe kc is correct.. wad he says is correct.. daniel also correct.. if i nv on comp.. i sure can do alot alot hw and revise alot alot thg and my results will eventually be better.. but i juz dunno how to control myself.. thats the prob and they juz say "u have to do it".. i noe.. i noe! but.. but.. the "but..s..." keep coming into my head... i seems to be very far away frm wad i'm learning now.. i noe i hav to master the basics first.. i noe i noe.. i wanted to also.. but new thgs keep coming in.. test keep coming in.. and chinese exam is coming soon! i always wanted to get AT LEAST an A1 and i believe i can get it.. but frm my latest result of juz class test.. i got 13/50.. how the hell i going to get an A when i cant even pass?! my mind will tell me its ok becuz the day before i had no time to study.. but tat shldnt be the reason! arghh!! contradicting myself and the devil always wins! cannot.. i wan to be the angel.. *cuz i love the nice wings? ok crap..* haha... dunno.. i seems to get addicted back to MU liao.. cuz i love the nice graphics.. especially the part when the character got wings.. i dunno.. i cant seems to leave this game.. frankly speaking.. i scare this game will be gone.. cuz its nt quite fun becuz its juz fight fight fight and lvl.. not much quest.. but i still loves this game.. the first MMORPG game i like.. i dunno.. other than tat.. i like simcity and generals liao.. this type of game.. stretegy game? somehow.. ok.. dun get carried away by MU.. haha.. but i will try.. i try to get the server files.. mayb next week.. i get the .97 server files cuz .99b+ cannot work.. get liao den i quit mu liao.. wait after mid year.. if still hav.. get the new server files.. set up the server and play the new thgs.. tats wad i wan.. i juz admire the graphics! tats my kind of graphics i think.. haha.. okok...
so erm.. jc.. poly.. jc is studies again.. juz the more advanced version of those subjects.. i predict it will be very stress for me even though another thinking of mine is tat i can relax once i get into jc.. i noe its juz 4 subject.. i'm sure i can cope wif the subject.. but for language.. the general paper.. its a killer.. i'm fighting to pass for a secondary english.. i always tot my english will improve once i get into sec as my pri eng is real bad.. but i didn't! i dunno y.. mayb i nv get into a gd sch.. mayb i'm nt motivated to study real hard...english.. is always a killer for me.. chinese is always seems to be easy and nth to me.. but now.. chinese became a killer.. its dangerous.. its worse than my english now.. i dunno wad happen to me.. when ask me to describe somethg using chinese.. i cant.. i dunno y.. ask me giv more chinese vocab.. juz cant think of anyone tat i've learnt in secondary.. juz like a waste of time in secondary... arghh!! i hate it! den when come to english.. ask me describe.. all those chinese words come out of my mind.. arghhh.. den english vocab.. i've not been learning.. the test tat mdm rogayah giv on fri.. i can say i got 0/100.. i noe nth! everythg is guess one.. i learnt some.. last time.. i pia all my way to learn abt 30++.. but i forgot all liao! arghh!! i dunno y.. i got revise every week.. but juz the few words.. but i forgot! how come?! i dunno.. somethg tat i'm interested.. i can remember it once i come across it twice..haiz.. how come! y like tat! wad can i do?! study!
okok.. wad abt this.. i dunno wad to decide for myself.. u all comments can? i'm thinking of juz totally giv up my comp for this year.. or juz on for sometime only on weekends and fri.. den others is juz study and sports.. of course! sports! i wanna be fit! >.<" ... mayb tats a gd idea.. alright.. i shall hav to kill this MU addiction and comp temptation.. how am i going to do tat? i once said after i've tried everythg for this new version of MU.. i quit.. i actually wanna do it by creating a server but i failed as the server file is not working.. haiz.. or else i would hav long quit.. haiz.. now still playing.. wasting my time.. i dunno y.. i'm juz thinking.. even if i nv touch my comp.. i also seems to be busy wif other thgs.. thgs juz keep popping up.. ivan of last year 4A advise tat i shld study everyday.. plan my time table.. cuz my sch time table may nt be accurate.. so start planning after 6pm.. but.. wad can i do? sometimes after 6pm.. i will hav somethg on.. like on thur.. i come home at around 6pm.. den suddenly my father say we going out to tiong bahru to find tat relative.. and i noe its gonna be till 9pm+.. but it turns out to be around 10pm+ den reach home.. omg! i nv touched my bio at all! and fri is the test liao.. den somemore thur morning run 2.4km leh.. so damn tired for the whole day.. slept in class all tat.. den i'm so damn tired and hungry.. so i eat and take bath liao den i see.. 12am liao! omg.. i was like dreaming abit.. and dosing off when i juz took out the bio book.. and i realised after my first page.. its 1am.. and my parents ask me go slp.. or else nt gd for health all tat.. so i really buay tahan.. i slept.. tot i can wake up on 6am and make sure i study a least abit... bt i failed to do so.. and i woke at 7am.. rushing to sch and study during the first 30mins.. but.. it juz cant get into my head.. bio test.. i tot i can leave my paper all blank.. but instead.. i anyhow rite.. better than nt attempting tat qn rite? haha.. ok.. i'm so crazy.. fri so tired after npcc.. and den still go watched pacifier at the far far bugis.. *to me.. its far*.. haha.. den 10am.. wanted to go home.. but shierly say accompany her take bus 15.. so we walk a long way.. took the bus 15 for one stop.. she alight.. and me daniel and hafidz will hav to remain and den wait for the bus to go to marine parade and turn back to eunos.. den abt 11pm den reach home.. so damn damn tired!!! but i dunno y.. i played.. i played till 4.30am in the morning.. not feeling tired.. actually wanna slp liao.. but suddenly kc say nv go basketball.. den i wait till 4.30am lor.. haha.. den woke at 9am+.. no one call or sms me.. means no more basketbal.. back to slp till 11pm! den woke.. make the comp thg to sell to hong chuan.. den make make make.. play game still will lag.. haiz.. den hong chuan always expect a gd comp wif the $180 one.. Zzz.. i sold wif the casing.. mobo + processor and cd rom and cd writer for juz $180.. and he tot itz very ex liao.. and hope it will be much faster than his old comp.. but nop.. its slower.. its very very long to explain which i dowan to do it here.. for those who r interested.. tok to me! haha.. ask me lor... i guess u all nt interested lah.. den.. like tat lor.. went eat.. see basketball court no ppl.. den ask kc come down play juz now.. play till 10pm lor.. tired.. really tired.. and i wrote such a long blog.. wanted to read others blog.. but i no time leh.. haiz.. keep saying i hav no time.. bluff myself only.. cuz i'm playing! arghh! sometimes.. i juz cant control my time.. my parents somehow control it.. and say they gimme alot freedom.. yea.. limited freedom.. i go out of course hav to ask them.. money of course hav to ask frm them WHENEVER i go out.. not on monthly basis... den i wan play comp whole night till mornin also cannot.. 1am like tat i can start to hear them ask me slp liao.. and father will threaten to kick my comp.. and now he is doing tat.. make sure i slp by 1.30.. who cares? i'm used to it.. my comp.. juz tat they dun wan it to be in my room as they say the comp will suck my energy.. wadever.. i dunno.. i will off after i've done everythg.. after i feel like going off.. after i see his face got real angry.. hahaha... i still hav alot thgs to write leh.. lol ok now.. tats all for wad happenned recently... last last time thg wanted to write.. but nvm lah.. waste time.. write for wad? haha.. ohya.. relationship thgy liao.. y always student at this age wanted to hav relationship one ar? somehow they r attracted... ya.. i noe.. i also somehow attracted.. but i nv find target lar.. and i noe wad i am.. no use de.. dowan to be like my fren.. nt gonna mention who.. keep trying but failed.. my one fren very lame lah.. do thgs tat is like no use lor.. i heard liao also wanted to say its so damn lame.. Zzz.. i dunno.. he is like tat.. he juz different frm everyone.. when ppl say its joke.. he is so damn serious and gt angry.. and he will joke when ppl is getting real serious.. u may say i'm bias against him.. but.. everyone is laughin while he is angry.. u say is who right who wrong? and he was like saying "its their fault lor" .. everythg blame others.. he will nv change himself.. i noe he hav gd results.. so wad? attitude like tat.. but nvm lah.. i can tolerate one.. i'm a gd fren.. always! haha.. no offence if u read this.. hehe.. i noe i also got bad parts lar.. mayb sometimes i'm also lame.. i say thgs at the wrong time and relate thg anyhow.. i noe.. i still can remember last year the debate.. so damn embarrassing*spelt correctly?*.. i tot of wad i've said.. and i was like "wad the hell?! i did say tat?!".. and ok la.. i say my most embarrassing thg.. tats my sec 1 and 2 i think.. training for the fitness test 2.4km.. i was like singing when i run.. omg.. this sucks.. and i sing loud! arghh!! i'm so embrassed now.. hoping tat no one remembers.. but those who remember after reading this blog.. this shows tat i've changed! i wont be tat stupid again.. Zzz.. and.. my knowledge suxs.. i can say i suxs in everythg lor.. comp nt very gd.. and studies bad.. games bad.. sports suxs.. like my basketball.. i started to love to play liao.. but i juz cant get the right way juz to shoot it... i think i looks sucky the way i shoot the ball.. but i my policy or principal or wadever it is.. is tat i dun care.. i score can liao.. haha.. yah.. but now.. i'm trying to learn lah.. hehe.. now... i'm completely lost liao.. i lost all my interest in everythg.. comp thg mayb.. exploring new technologies mayb.. but somehow.. i lost interest in computer and programming stuffs.. i once tot of gaining back the interest so tat i can take it as a course during uni.. not poly.. UNIVERSITY! hahaha.. no 'mayb' anymore! (>.<) ... but now.. after so much advise frm ppl.. even frm my cousin who took computer thgy one.. dunno wad lah.. like computer engineer or wad ar.. he say dun take.. now i'm lost.. and xy blog say "whateva chioces u make, let it comes frm ur heart.".. ya.. i noe..in another words pursue my own dreams lah.. dun folo others.. yea.. i hope so.. but.. but.. the buts coming in liao.. now.. wad can i do? i'm considering electrical engineering liao.. wad my father wanted.. haiz.. other thgs tat need chem or bio is out of the qn liao.. business.. strongly discouraged.. zzz.. my english is also nt gd enough to be in business lah.. haiz... where can i go?! wad can i do? my father always say so tat i can work till 60+ years old wif engineering nt like IT only up to 30+ den hav to quit liao.. but.. dont he noe tat i always wanted to start my own business??? this is a gd example how they dun understand me liao.. everytime i say thgs.. i dun even care.. den now my mother say i tok very little to her.. nt like other ppl.. and say the way i ans her like i ver irritated by her like tat.. of course lah! sometimes she say thgs like.. haiz.. dunno lah.. say i cannot manage my time.. i wanted to.. but she took over the control before me.. haiz..
okok.. back to relationship part.. haha.. BGR.. wad sia.. hmmm.. i only noe for those who study too much.. found no excitement or wad den wanted to get relationship and some may end up worse.. and everythg like results gone bad becuz of this.. suffer frm depression wif break up.. haha.. tats y i dun believe in having relationship during sec.. but sometimes ppl juz cannot control.. like kc =X ... he said he would nv fall in love liao.. but den.. he did is again.. lol.. but this time round.. nt gd results.. rejected so damn badly.. haiz.. pity him worx.. he say he "xiang tong le".. but i noe he still keep thinkin abt her.. lolx.. opps.. sry ar i say out.. nvm lah.. nt much ppl will read my blog one.. so sad.. later i dedicate one song for u.. haha.. erm.. mayb next week.. i haven made the page.. haha...actually wan make a page wif the song one.. but i think nvm lah.. i juz put the lonk for the song here.. cuz i got no time make.. hehe... i noe i lame lah.. nvm lah.. i like can liao.. =X (dowan liao.. dun tok abt it liao)
ok.. wad else i gonna say... i noe i wanna say alot de.. but after the long post i typed.. i somehow forgot liao.. haiz... i'm so bored now.. i juz cant think of wad to write.. i noe i got somethg to tok abt one leh.. arghhh.. wad is it?!!!! ahhh!!!
pandaboo penned at 4/09/2005 10:30:00 pm
think free.live free
