Tuesday, February 08, 2005
haiz... today is eve of chinese new year liao.. which means its the last day of chinese 2004 liao... but nt very happy today.. actually quite happy lah.. but when the moment i step into my hse.. i nt happy liao.. dunno y leh! my parents juz like to pull my mood down.. haiz... juz now went watch movie wif victor they all.. watched the I do I do.. very funny.. den walk around plaza singapura..den go clark quay... den walk to city hall den go home.. i only bring $14 and i scare really nt enough.. so i borrow money frm jx to top up my ez link card...den reach there.. they wan eat.. den victor say he pay first den fri return him... like tat lor.. so okay lor...
but den when i reach home.. nth much lah.. until i tell my mother she giv nt enough so i borrow frm fren.. den her face change!!!! den scold me y i borrow.. say wad nt gd cuz i owe ppl money during new year.. and say lik tat i will always owe ppl money... wad lah.. den say my character no gd.. got money dowan use... say my character and personality very very bad lah.. all kinds of thg also can say one.. my parents scold me can link to alot alot thg one lah.. i dowan go eat cuz i no mood eat.. den they say i still nt mature.. say i cannot live alone.. say i cannot go overseas study.. den i play game till nv drink water.. they will also say the same thg and say i no use.. eat s*!t and say i cannot take care of myself all tat lah.. plz lor.. is i dowan lor.. nt i dunno lor.. BUT i noe i cannot reply.. or can say is 'tok-back'... cuz if i do so.. my father will kill me.. mother can lah.. den she complain to father.. den father will say say say and if i tok back.. he will scold like shit and say "i say like tat means like tat! u shut up lah! get OUT!".. haiz.. i no say in this hse one lah...
den i dun care lah.. my mother scold den scold.. den i juz come to my comp room and on pc.. den she scold again.. say i come back den use pc.. like this is ny my home like tat.. say i treat it like an inn... say i nv contribute to the family.. say i nv treat it as my own hse.. den say i nv do anythg.. den i ask wad i can do.. she say.. "tidy ur room!" plz lor.. if i can.. i will tok back liao.. but father at home.. cuz.. ask me tidy.. HOW! i only hav a super old and small lousy wood table tat i dunno put wad shit.. and another old metal computer table which has sharp edges.. always poke me one.. den also filled wif books.. and hav a bed and a cabinet for clothes which is half occupied by my father.. and den 1 row of cupboard below.. which is somehow blocked wif my tv set.. it hav 3 compartment..1st small one is put those board games.. 2nd one filled with no use books but "bu se de" throw away.. and 3rd one put those secondary books and files.. for o lvl use.. so tat can refer mah.. like tat.. how i put my sec 3 books and files? all is occupied.. den plus those stationerys tat i wan throw but my parents say i waste money.. den we bought a cabinet.. 3 compartment.. 1st one put those sec 3 and 4 books.. still nt big enough...2nd one put those no use items like stationery all tat.. and 3rd one put those big big files.. see lah.. my room is now 70% filled liao.. den somemore plus my parents thgs here and those letter or thg tat ask me see liao den dowan me return one.. FULL LIAO!
see lah.. how i tidy up? my mother helped me tidy.. putting my books anywhere tat she can put.. and in the end.. sec 4 book in sec 1 books group all tat.. i wan find a thg also muz search the whole room.. like tat where can! ask me tidy.. i cant lor.. den say i dunno.. den say i cannot take care of myself.. cannot do anythg.. cannot help the family.. plz lah.. i still studying leh.. where got time do all those.. if i do all those everyday.. can ask me be a girl liao.. giv up gaming and computer plus sports... wah lau.. wad they expect sia! now even girls dun pack their own thg lor.. expect me to pack.. HOW! i got no where to put all those stuffs lor.. and all my computer thg.. i can only put on my computer table which is so damn small.. putting my monitor.. modem...phone.. printer..keyboard.. all these.. occupied 60% liao.. den plus cds all tat.. no place for me to even put a piece of paper and write down thgs liao! den say i used 3 tables all together.. wah lau eh! i really no space lor.. ask me contribute.. can! gimme $50000.. i make sure i make my ideal room!!! but wad u all say? "SIAO AH! waste money only.. no use ah u! u go earn lah!".. fine! i go earn.. den they say "U SIAO AH! u only how old! cant even take care of urself den wan go earn money.. ppl bully u ah!".. see! wad can i do! say wan buy thgs.. use my own money.. last time i use my own money buy hp for MOTHER! den they scold me and angry wif me for 1 year.. controlling every cent i use.. wtf lor! wad to do? my family.. this is MY family! this is how SAD my family is.. haiz.. ty for reading till here.. juz wanting to say wad i dun dare to say.. hope there may be someone who can really understands me.. really hope.. haiz...
tml everyone go out.. go relative hse get ang bao.. but i dun dare tell daniel they all
**u believe?**..oie.. i dun dare say is cuz later they dun believe i nv go anywhere bai nian.. or wad.. i also dunno...nt cuz other thg lah! say liao only will make myself sad lah.. dun say le... i nv go anywhere.. i would be staying at home watching those nice shows tat channel 8 have.. tats wad i do.. same for thur.. fri.. daniel ask me dun go.. but.. i stay at home also nth.. but go sch for npcc.. like only me chinese.. very sian lor.. haiz... i hate these kind of thg sia.. seems so lonely and left out.. haiz... reunion dinner tonight.. which is later!.. ppl is with large grp of ppl.. me.. 3 ppl to eat steamboat only.. which is my father my mother and me.. 3 ppl.. i noe ppl steamboat is no much rice one.. but me.. MUST eat rice.. muz eat everythg! haiz.. quite sad leh.. so.. i really wish i can get married at arounf the age of 27 or wad.. den can really enjoy having a family.. a gd one.. reading on how ppl celebrate cny and valentine day.. so envy.. bt i'm still young.. muz juz work hard to get a degree and earn money in the society.. tats all bah...
!!WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!
pandaboo penned at 2/08/2005 05:04:00 pm
think free.live free
