Tuesday, October 19, 2004
ahya.. dunno la.. nth nth to write.. but juz tot of this phrase.. tat wei jie say today.. nth is impossible.. zi yao you hen xin.. yi ding nen cheng gong.. ya la.. gt determination.. all obstructions or restriction can be overcome.. and achieve success.. but.. where can i get my determination.. yes.. its in me.. haiz.. dunno la.. i was saying this and tat to myself.. but i really dunno how to do it or i din noe if i shld do it anot leh.. haiz.. contradict my ownself in my statements.. haiz.. really dunno wad to do la.. ya la.. i noe i muz do wad it takes.. do wadever it takes.. but.. do wad? practise.. help?? i dunno leh.. i juz feel tat practise.. the same qn over and over again.. den when come out other qn.. my mind will always be thinking towards a certian direction.. hence cannot think in another way.. yes.. i've tried before.. tats y.. haiz.. but sometimes i cant deny it really help for me to understand.. haiz.. i really wish i hav my dream hse tat is nt so untidy!!! my room is so untidy and nt well facilitaed.. lol.. untidy is the issue la.. made me no mood to do hw.. den air.. suxs there.. table.. dot dot dot.. how to write.. haiz.. books is everywhere.. seen so many ppl's home also nt so untidy la.. haiz.. how la.. dunno la..
wad can i do.. haiz...!!! practise.. dont help for all ppl!!! sometimes.. haiz.. i really wanna do somethg.. but juz afriad the results turn out another way.. sometimes i tot it will turn out this way.. den it turn out another way... thgs are so unpredictable.. i dunno!!! haiz.. i really dunno la.. feel like crying.. cry my heart out.. if.. if.. i'm alone at home.. i really wanna cry.. ppl may think.. wah lan! a man crying.. siao ar!!.. but.. cry is wad we learnt frm the start... its juz like our roots.. all ppl are childish.. and childish in a correct way is cute.. and.. we all like to be childish sometimes.. cuz its juz freedom.. u may nt like to be childish.. but.. who dun like their childhood years? isnt it gd tat u forgot everythg and dun need to care everythg? life remains happy even though the building collapse.. haiz.. cry.. cry my heart out!!! cry at my results.. cry at all!! shout!! and tml i'm going to fa xie.. arghh!! badminton.. i gonna hit till i no strength ah!!! sucker!!! arghh!!! feel like scolding.. shouting.. wtf man!! am i suffering frm depression? i may think so.. arghh!!!! y suffer like tat.. will get ill one leh!!! haiz..!!! y make life difficult for us?? y u all can enjoy childhood years and we enjoy it wif books??!!! and i hate books till now....
haiz.. dunno la.. watched pearl harbor.. reminded me of alot thgs.. and how my grandparents suffer.. i hated the japs... japan and the japanese.. ppl will say.. ahya.. so long liao.. forget it la.. get along wif life la.. now is globalisation... but i juz cant remove the hatred in me.. i dunno y i juz hated japan.. i really dunno y!! i hate their attitude..like eric? dunno.. i juz hate them.. and i was thinking y ppl still wanna learn japanese.. their language so.. suxs.. and.. WW2.. i hate them.. and the way they treat thgs.. i hate them.. and the womanisers.. wtf.. haiz.. i juz dunno how i hate them to the core... i eat sushi.. i sure will get stomachache.. unless is like.. sg ppl make one.. sg version.. or else.. eeek! yucks! raw thgs sia! omg.. dunno la..
ok la.. tml.. going escape.. going on my own.. meet them den go.. but i predict i will be alone la.. who to tok to? ahya.. no one share the same interest as me there.. say hafidz and darren.. stick to the gals one la.. den teck hua they all.. nt in gd relation wif me la.. might juz ask me "go away la.. non of ur business".. unless daniel they all wont.. sad la.. yyy!!! haiz.. mayb.. somethg diff will happen tml.. who noes?? scarly they force me do somethg tat i dowan to do.. scarly somethg happened.. i dunno!! dun care la.. tml.. play badminton till 12pm.. muz find a way to rush to escape.. by 1.30pm.. how? dunno la.. i really fee so sad these few days.. since after the A maths paper.. i was like tat.. i tried to tell myself.. be happy at sch.. as if nth happen.. but i juz cant.. i wanted to show ppl i'm happy.. but i'm nt.. msn grp.. i dowan to care! but i still go check it everyday and invite ppl to join.. since i'm still the manager.. i really dowan others to noe somethgs.. yes.. i'm secretive... but.. so wad if others noe? wads the use? my family thg.. i think i told others abt 90% of wad i noe.. but.. nth happen?? haiz.. sec ppl still wont say till wad.. pri sch i tell others.. i was laughed at.. the thg spread.. rumours and other thg go around.. i hate tat.. and my frens are doing tat.. i juz dun hav the power to stop them.. i requested them to stop.. they said ok...
but after few days or months.. u will see the rumours spread to new ppl.. tat type of suffering.. is the worse!! this is like throwing face on the floor.. ok fine.. i dun care... dun wish to noe.. dun wish to care.. carry on wif live.. but when even teachers juz misunderstood and say me.. omg.. my grades will drop.. i dunno.. i juz cant control.. haiz.. dunno la.. now gt quite alot thg to write.. but its in brain-understood language.. very diff to translate.. haha.. means diff to say out in words la.. all these are feelings.. very very difficult to express out.. got times i spent alone.. on bed.. thinking and thinking.. in the end fell asleep and nth came out.. i always HOPE i could find a solution.. haiz..
ohya.. after daniel's great sayings.. i decided to sell my PS2 and dun wanna buy the mp3 player liao.. he said really well.. i agree to it.. and really enlighten me.. great sayings.. great speaker.. haha.. can make me change my mind.. hehe.. thx daniel!!! i will remember wad u say.. but.. i still dun giv up on my last chance to win a mp3 player frm creative through the sms thgy.. leave it to fate.. if its mine.. its mine.. nt mine... let it go.. when it's time to let go.. den let go.. dun hold on too long.. haiz... CREATIVE MINE!!! hahahaha! simcity 4.. still haven lost hope on it.. gonna try my best and find ways to get it... i will!!! but.. actions speaks louder than words.. i dun even noe i can do it or not.. dun seems like.. through my past few years.. i hav nt done anythg great or wad.. none.. even if i hav.. its juz my own opinion.. haiz.. see wad can i do for this o lvl bah.. wait and see... i'm damn afraid for my ENGLISH.. dunno how.. will my JC and university dream perish juz becuz of this english?? will my future be ruined?? i dunno.. or will my dream became reality?? i still dunno the skills in english.. its so damn difficult to understand.. and i dint noe how those vocabs stored in ppl's mind.. how??!!! does it mean i'm stupid or i hav a small brain?????
pandaboo penned at 10/19/2004 11:45:00 pm
think free.live free
