i'm tired....i feel so tired.. i'm really tired.....abt...abt....life. i tried.. i really tried.. and done..my best. but.. wad i get in return?..... i dunno... nth? or mayb somethg bad.... wad can i do??.. i juz wan to rest... juz to take a rest... i'm juz tired.. i failed my 2 test again.... the 2 which i put in lots of effort.. but i still didn't make it.... i sacrifice.. quite alot....... mayb nt.. i dunno.. i dun even noe how to spell sacrifice at first.....
i'm really tired.. more challenges is coming.. and i dun think i hav the courage to face it.. tml is another test.. which i lost faith in.. bio.. i nv pass before.. and.. i juz cant absorb in wads in the textbook... even the basics... i cant remember... i dun like bio.. but... i juz hav to take it... i will try my best again.. but hope.. nt to fall again...common test.. if i fall.. i.. i dun think i can get up......
mayb....wei jie is right... mayb.... i should juz lead a simple life.... go to sch juz to study.. come back home and study again... get gd results.. get in university.. juz tat.. a simple life wif no worries... juz like yi rong and lee ping.. they nv get involve in anythg special.. they remain quiet and carry on wif simple life.. mayb..i should.... juz folo them.. y i could make it to 3E? cuz... i'm juz a outcast to fill up the gap in 3E... there are many much more clever ppl who went to 3D.. they choose to go there.. and i'm juz to fill up the spaces...i'm nt fit to become a sci student... i dunno... i juz.. dun fit to be one...
i... i juz wan to be... alone... studying.. mayb sometimes use comp to do projects.. and mayb.. blogging.. sometimes.. play abit... but.... alone. this is wad poor only child do... i hav a sis.. some say is half sis... she doesn't help much....mayb....mayb cuz she is in australia now.... i dunno.. she still duno the state my family in now.... she juz remain happy... i dunno.. i juz feel dizzy and confused... i wanna live.. but simple.. my dream is to open a company juz like Sony... or at least juz as Creative...... but... i... i... dun think i can... i dunno... i juz wan a simple and comfortable life... and better still.. to be happy...
adam khoo say tat we muz tell ourselves we can do it.. i tried.. i really tried.. but it juz dun work for me... he said tat we hav the choice... but i dun.. my choices are limited.. a juz hav to folo a certain route.. i... i hav no choice... i tell myself i can do it... but did i? i didn't.....
i noe i still hav alot thgs nt yet done... alot.. alot.. there are alot ppl better than me tat can do it.. but... only me related to it.. so i hav to do it.. sometimes.. i really hav no help.. i hav to be alone.. which is wad i hav been in past 14+ years..
i'm crying.. i'm really crying... but in my heart. who noes? i dunno.....
if i could.. i would cry out loud.. so i come back to this qn.. wad is life?.. i dun even noe it myself..when i ask myself this qn.. i would hav problems answering..... and.. always.. i cry... sometimes at nite when i'm in bed.. i think of alot thgs.. sometimes.. my tears juz dropped... i hope to succeed... but wif obstructions.. which.. which block my view to my future.... its dark now...
i believe tat adam khoo succeed is nt juz becuz of his beliefs.. he gt help.. sure.. i think.. we need help.... we.....need support... we need......... i... dunno.... mayb there is someone out there willing to help.. but we dunno each other.. i dun even noe myself.... i tot i'm someone... but out in real life.. i'm different.. after i've done some stuff... i will reflect... but when i do noe... i'm juz too late... thgs juz happened too fast....
i dunno myself.. and.. and..i dun even hav to courage to face myself... i dun hav the courage.. i hav no confidence in myself... ppl say.. " fall and get up urself.." but.. i fall.. i haven been able to get up.. den i fall again.. i think i fell to deep... too deep... i dunno.....
frens are important.. but nt always... sometimes.. i juz felt tat alone is gd... mayb i'm juz used to it...now.. i juz.. i juz wan to be alone...
i... think i will juz carry on wif simple life..go to sch a pretent to be normal.... and...and hope to achieve my dreams... i hope... i juz hope... at least...... tats juz a hope..............
pandaboo penned at 8/03/2004 04:55:00 pm
think free.live free
