i dunno la.. so weird.. i gt this weird feeling now.. unknown.. so sad.. yet so happy.. depressed.. and.. dunno la.. all mixed... i really dunno.. i wanted to change.. and in fact.. i need to change.. but.. juz somethg tat makes my body damn weak... i dunno... i wake up quite early today.. erm.. 15mins earlier.. lolz.. but still a gd thg la.. den.. dunno y.. whole body weak and no strenght.. and somemore.. tired and sleepy... ok fine.. i go sch early and mervyn they all keep saying.."wah.. first time sia.." haha.. cuz i nv been 'so early'.. haha.. den ok.. i wanna start my new day as a 'changed' self.. but.. tired.. sleepy.. haiz.. dunno leh.. go lesson.. wah.. debate.. so excited.. but den.. dunno how! all points forgot! alot thgs to say one.. write on a paper but i forgot take out!! den.. the points i tell netty and ks.. they mayb also too nervous and forgot to say.. den i also blur blur.. actually wanna write my speech one.. but den susu say jasmine will write.. but den.. in the end.. nv.. so.. i only hav a blank sheet of paper wif some points i wanted to rebut on.. but den i forgot!! and forgot to say on some points tat others miss out.. den.. when victor's turn.. i den realise i forgot my points.. so sad sad sad.. such a failure.. wanna try again!!! haiz.. den the crossfire.. tot can really say well liao.. but den time shortened.. den.. mervyn started.. but he tok wad toot point tat i cant hear and understand.. den suddenly history and modern..
mayb i could say " now we toking abt beauty and brains wif no regards on time".. but den.. this nv come to my mind..
my other points like "PM lee speech on sunday state tat singapore need brains and talents to contribute to our nation...".. and we have gd educational system is to develop our brains.. nt our beauty.. and.. we are nt forced to study.. we wanted as we want to improve ourselves..u can dun study.. den y would u be here?.... first impression is not juz on looks.. its also on the way we behave ouselves.. "imagine a nice and pretty girl wearing mini shirt or wadsoever come into the classroom..and ok. attention is caught.. but wad if she start like... er.. hello.. er... er.. er.. wad am i suppose to do?" den is like.. wtf man!.. izzit? wad can she do? strip ar? rubbish!! lolz.. den.. they say all of us hav same brain potential.. so its less important.. "but u dunno how to develop and make use of tat potential!! its juz equals to nth.." .. ahya.. alot points i wanna say.. but den forgot write down la.. no choice.. all cocked up liao..
haiz.. dunno leh.. this depressed feeling very very.. haiz.. wasted sia.. haiz.. den.. hw.. hw.. i asked ppl and is like all ppl done their hw.. maths.. cher giv the paper.. they no how to start.. and i really really really dunno how to do!!! i dunno how to start.. no info lo.. haiz.. den very sad.. den.. lesson time.. wah lau.. stress come liao.. "test coming on...." den is like.. "huh~~......".. haiz...chem.. she tok 1 single thg take so long.. i also buay tahan den fell asleep.. haiz.. chinese.. ok.. i wanna get my A.. but its juz so so so boring and sian.... tat i dowan to listen liao.. wah lau.. very wad sia.. maths.. is all "????...???...???...uh...huh?..." wah lau.. tml trigo test leh! how sia..
really lo.. i wanna change... but.. how?! i dunno how lo.. mayb i have to overcome this.. this period of time.. to 'O' levels.. i noe its long.. as its abt 1 year.. its really long... but i have to maintain la.. no choice.. cuz.. after 'O' level casn relax for abt 1 year and start again.. have to straggle thru this period of time lo.. HAVE TO! MUST!.. haha... this period is very very short as wad teachers says.. we have to revise and also.. learn new stuffs.. plus plus for me.. CCA and projects.. haiz..i dowan the same thg as PSLE to happen again.. i tot normal thg.. den now.. regret alot to juz get 219 marks.. haiz.. y?!! i still playing during the PSLE exams leh! can imagine mah?! haha.. so sad.. now muz really strive liao..
haiz.. somethg troubled me sometimes.. "wads my character?".. i always feel i'm another person.. but when come to real thg outside.. i seems to be tat person.. wif tat character.. and made my character.. but when i'm at home.. i changed... alot alot.. mayb wif frens.. my character is diff.. mayb... juz mayb... tats my true character? i dunno leh.. sometimes i juz control wad i wanna do.. sometimes its juz so fast tat i said somethg..den regret it after much thinkings.. haiz.. WHO AM I?! ok.. i dun care.. i wanna change.. i wanna change my whole self.. i wanna start anew.. i.. i... i wan to be the person i wanna be.. a cheerful person.. nt shy liao la.. and.. manage my thgs well... i wan to be clean and neat everytime.. i wan to achieve wad i wanna achieve.. i gonna change.. really.. trust me.. i will.. and i need.. plus i must..
i wanna enjoy my childhood.. i dowan my childhood juz to be studies.. parents always say they enjoy their childhood.. but now.. i dun think we have.. most of the time is on studies and exams plus test........ hope 5-day-week would take effect as soon as possible.. i wan a slow and peaceful country.. sometimes too fast may break us... haha...
ok.. my CA this time.. my eng pass!! but nt much la.. still can.. quite disappointed though.. no choice.. now.. i really wanna engage myself back to the track of studies.. do hw.. and nt so lazy!! ppl say sec sch ppl.. always go out to play bowling or wadsoever.. but seems like we dont.. haha.. my frens in other sch yes.. they go beach to cycle.. they go chalets.. they go play at escape.. they go play sports and others.. but.. haiz.. i wanna engage my life to be like tat.. and hope tat now.. every fri could go play badminton or basketball.. i dun mind same or diff sex la.. who cares.. juz at least gt the same la.. wads wrong? haiz.. so sad.. long long time nv play sports liao.. going weaker liao.. underweight liao!! haiz...
again.. i wan.. i really wan.. plus i need.. to change... change for the better.. and hope ppl in my class also change for the better... like chin yong.. sometimes go play badminton.. nt bad wad.. relax wad.. even tao guang enjoyed it last week.. in pri sch.. almost everyday's 5pm would go cycle and play bastketball till 7pm.. so shiok.. but den no more liao.. so sad.... dunno la.. i wish i hav a more exciting life rather than juz studying.. mayb tats the reason y i joined so many stuffs.. trying to learn more.. yup.. i wanna learn more.. i feel i'm juz a tiny stupid noob tat tot i noe alot.. haha... i wanna study.. i wanna play.. but nt relationship!! haha.. dowan to hav so much trouble as my fren.. his results so gd liao.. den going to look for gf.. but den kena rejected.. haiz.. feel sad for him.. but now.. he follow me liao.. study first.. lolz.. ok la.. i still gt projects to complete.. cya all...I AM WHO AM I! lol
ohya.. i today got all PC magazines to mr beh lab.. haha.. in library one all gone liao.. except 2003 one la.. haha.. haiz.. have to prepare for upcoming competition.. ohya.. COMEX this week!! woot.. gonna go and take a look.. its site is at
http://www.comexshow.com.sg .. shld be this la.. haha. in suntec.. 2 levels leh!! haha
i bet no one will be reading all these long post.. but long post contains more stuffs.. more meaningful.. but i bet no one will wan to read.. and no one will understand... even they read.. they wont think abt it.. me lo.. and hy.. write very long post one.. juz cant control...and i think u all shld read hsiu ya's blog.. very meaningful one.. xiaoyun one also.. read all blogs la.. read blogs is gd k!! lol.. writing is even better...
pandaboo penned at 8/24/2004 04:51:00 pm
think free.live free
